U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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