The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize