: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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