sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
