just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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