While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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