Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
