I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
