this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
