just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize