I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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