I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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