At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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