So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
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apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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