Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
