Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
