You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
