I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
