Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
