Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
