just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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