Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
