he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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