ugly people sure do ruin things
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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