So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
