fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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