people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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