Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
