I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
