every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
