ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
