my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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