just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
