Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
