I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
