Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
