I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
