he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
