Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
