there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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