conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
