He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
