Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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