I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
