Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
