Will you blow on my dice?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
