on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
