what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I intend to get homeless drunk
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
