I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
