Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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