lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
