you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
