Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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