You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
