I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
