1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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