I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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