I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
