so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Soap is not a condiment
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
