Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
