he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They took my balls.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.