I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.