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He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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