Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria