Whatcha textin bout Willis?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
