A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
