Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
