Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
