:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
