So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
