What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
