You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
