I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
