i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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