Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
