Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
